Friday, August 1, 2008

I hate tourists.

I'm too lazy to do any video, so READ! (Don't worry, there are pictures.)

This is a picture of the Durango-Silverton Narrow Gauge Railroad, one of the main tourist attractions in the area. I had to buy a grossly overpriced ticket and ride it to the trailhead for 3 of the 14ers. It was kind of fun riding on an honest-to-god coal-fired steam locomotive, but the long (2.5 hour) ride reminded me why I hate tourists. On the way there, I was stuck in a gondola with the world's biggest douchebag. He spent the whole time hooting, hollering, and waving at people (while his video camera was running) from the train like he was so fucking special that everybody needed to recognize him. Hey buddy, guess what? You're just on a train ride. THOUSANDS and THOUSANDS of people have ridden this train. You're not special. The train leaves Durango 2 or 3 times a day, filled with hundreds of people. You're not doing anything unique.

At one point, while the train was going through a very nice canyon, this guy remarked between primate-esque grunts that "this is nature at its finest." Apparently he missed the irony of the entire situation: That he was riding on a meticulously engineered manmade contraption upon a track whose existence owes itself to the blasting and removal of several thousand tons of "nature at its finest." Idiot.

On the train ride back from the trailhead, I met another stupid person who has obviously never traveled beyond the standard tourist attractions. As I boarded, she asked if I was hiking. "Yes, some hiking and mountain climbing" I responded. She then asked if I was camping out there, to which I again responded in the affirmative. As a follow-up to the camping question, she asked if I spent the whole night out there. (as opposed to camping out for part of the night, I suppose) I explained that yes, I had in fact spent two whole nights out there. Then, as if to confirm her stupidity, she asked if I ate any food while I was camping. I did a quick double-take, then repeated the question back to her as if to say "seriously, you can't be asking something that stupid." She nodded, and I explained that I carried food with me. She went back to her beer.

Ha! That must be where all women live!

Goats invaded my campsite. Whatever delicious plant life was growing there, they really found it tasty.

Since I am no good at waking up early (i.e. 3-4 AM) I only managed to summit 1 of the 3 14ers in the area. (An early start is necessary to avoid the almost daily afternoon thunderstorms. A high peak is a likely place to be hit by lightning) This seals my fate: I will not be finishing the 14ers this summer, because 2 summits are not worth the moronic tourists and $75 price tag of riding the train again.


Travis said...

That is the lamest excuse I have ever heard for not finishing the peaks. "I got through 52 of them, but I didn´t want to do the last two because people that don´t spend their summers climbing mountains are willing to pay $75 to ride a train"

Brendan said...

Effing yuppie tourist retards. If you ever decide to flip out and go postal on them, i'm with ya.

Jason said...

I sympathize with you. People are, more often than not, complete morons. It's really sad. Not finishing the full 54 though? Also sad. If you manage to get the other 52 before the end of the summer with time to spare you best get your ass back there and finish the last two!